Posted 19 April 2003 - 09:54 AM

Tonight, is another one of "those nights" A night that follows a perfectly good day, but yet I cry myself to sleep. I am visiting friends(who have a 3 year old little girl they adopted). I was putting Kayla to bed tonight, I told her she could pick out two stories. The first one was about a Momma Kangaroo who was sad because of her empty pouch, and one day a baby blue bird fell into it and she thanked God for sending her the baby for her pouch. (I cried a tiny bit at the end of this one) Then was a wiggley bug book, being that these two books were relatively short and her mom was still on the phone, I told her she could pick out one more story. Of all the books she could have picked, she picked out "tell me again about the night I was born". For those of you who haven't heard of this book, it is like the AP's are telling the little girl how everything happened the night she was born. When she handed me the book, I hadn't even opened it and I just started crying. Kayla looked at me funny, I told her that I missed Fiona. I read the book but cried the whole thing. I put her in bed, came down to get her water. Trudy (my friend) had just gotten off the phone, all I could do for about 5 minutes was cry while Trudy and I hugged. And now, it is all I can do to keep from crying.Also, yesterday when Kayla was going down for a nap, she was saying her prayers and she asked God to bless Fiona and the people she was staying with and to bring her back to me soon. (she saw me many times when I was pregnant, and then she came and stayed with me when I had Fiona home). I try to explain that she lives with her Mommy and Daddy. Trudy and I try to explain adoption to her. Sometimes she remembers, but Fiona and adoption don't mix with her.It just makes me realize how much I REALLY LOVE Fiona!! Today she is three weeks old. (the triplets got out of the hospital on their three week b-day). Even though I am here with friends, it makes my days go by easier. But the nights, I still feel VERY alone. I work on her Birthparent Book of Memories every night before I go to bed. That helps. Then I just cry myself into a fitfull sleep.I can't believe how real all this is sinking in. But I am glad that it is now, rather than last year when I was so far away from Home (Korea). But will it be ok by the time I have to go overseas again? I hope so.Tonight, the moon was so big and so bright, and the sky was clear I was looking at the stars, it reminded me of the song from "american tale" the song called, Somewhere out Therethe part that says: and even when I think how very far apart we are, it helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star!!That does help me feel a little closer to her. (and the fact we are in the same time zone.)That baby blanket I just made for her, is kinda my way saying to her when she uses it. That I am right there with you, keeping you warm, and I love you!Well, until another midnight-Angel